Category Archives: Colts Misery

Nagy May End Up Sucking, But At Least He Showed Up at the Bears

Bears fans may think that we have a proud history and are a storied franchise, but the reality is that we are 33 years away from our last Super Bowl win and haven’t even knocked on the door for the last 10.  Minnesota has a beautiful indoor stadium as we saw last Sunday while Dan and I trudge up 10,000 steps to our seats at the top of a windy outdoor bowl with crappy concessions and not even a place to warm up.

So it didn’t really surprise me when the Bears search, led by a guy with little success in the NFL (Pace) and an accountant who’s done nothing to create a winner (Phillips) found a guy who had been an offensive coordinator at the pro level for half a dozen games to be our head coach, Nagy.  While teams like San Francisco and even the Raiders ($100M!!) paid up for talent, we scraped up someone with nothing to lose at taking a flyer at being an NFL coach who doesn’t mind working for a franchise seemingly going nowhere and led by this diminutive duo.  Hell I was just happy we didn’t get an old blowhard like Jeff Fisher.  Maybe Nagy will at least have an entertaining press conference after each loss most likely.

The guy I thought we should at least try to get was McDaniels.  Sure he flamed out the first time he was a head coach at Denver but he’s learned a lot since then and ran the most fearsome offense ever.  With the NFL’s idiotic “wink wink nudge nudge” model of having coordinators for teams in the playoffs not being able to accept jobs for next year (but they can just sign the day after their team isn’t in the playoffs) – the Colts seemed to one-up the Bears by taking arguably the best candidate out there while we selected a nobody (at least a nobody who wasn’t already a bust or old fart).

But now the jokes’ on Indy.  Ha ha.  Still hate you for beating the Bears after the 2007 season anyways.  But probably there still are a lot of guys out there as candidates who have 6+ games as an offensive or defensive coordinator under their belts, maybe 500 or so.

Another glimmer of laughter was that Detroit is picking up the Patriots defensive mastermind who couldn’t stop the Eagles AT ALL under that Hall of Famer Nick Foles.  Ha ha.

Here at Fire Everybody we get most of our satisfaction from the failures of others since our own hopes have inevitably dashed by injuries, ineptitude and just plain lack of talent.  All the while freezing our asses off in the cheap seats of what soon will be the worst stadium in the NFL (since the San Diego Chargers moved, although the worst day outside in San Diego is usually pretty damn awesome).

And All Their Prayers Were Answered*

We are pseudo famous for getting and redirecting here the “fire” websites of (typically bad) Bear coaches. Right now we have http://www.firemiketice.com redirecting here, and will likely get the new head coach and offensive coordinators to redirect here as well when they are announced. Oddly, Mike Tice isn’t officially fired yet so we need to hold on to that one for a bit. We let http://www.firemikemartz.com go after he got canned. We really don’t hold anything against all of these crazed coaches, we just want the Bears to be good, and to have some fun with the whole “fire” concept.

But there is one exception.

A while ago we said here that we would just shut up and shut the site down if the Bears won the Super Bowl (haha). But I don’t think that is true anymore. There is one guy who I want to dog until his dying breath, who, if you search for his name with “fire” before it retains the NUMBER ONE Google ranking to direct to this site. (As a side note, we need to redirect http://www.fireronturner.com here).

That is, of course, one Ron Turner. I nicknamed him the “destroyer” many years ago. He set back the Illinois football for generations (literally!) and tortured us Bear fans – TWICE as offensive coordinator. Our category here called “a career of failure” is testimony to his coaching prowess. Note how much he “helped” Tampa last year, the Colts before that, etc.

Ron Turner is proof that you don’t really have to be good to be a coach in major college and pro football, you just have to be.

And with that, I welcome all of the fans of Florida International University to the website.

Look at this quote from the announcement from the FIU sports director and try not to spit out your morning coffee at the screen:

“This guy knows football,” Garcia said. “He’s the best quarterback coach in America, college or pro. So I’m very excited to get this guy. He’s one of the best offensive minds in America. This guy’s a total package. He can do it all.”

Well then! Aren’t they in for a surprise.

I can’t remember if it was me or Carl who said a long time ago that:

A Florida school could open up in a parking lot and wipe the floor with the Big Ten.

This is pretty much true. FIU has has some success over the years and with that fertile recruiting ground in Florida, they could have some more in the future. But now, that is light years away. We all know how this one will end.

*post title stolen from subject of an email from a friend

Bears Dolts Open Thread

Well, the whole FRT and Drunk Bear Fans crew will be representing at Soldier Field today for the opener vs. the Dolts. Hopefully we will see Luck carted off after Pep tears his head off. Let us know how it looks from home.

Good Luck With That

The Bears schedule came out as it did for the rest of the NFL.  The schedule release is front page news up here in Packer country but to me it is usually no bfd.  BUT…this year our first game is against the Dolts at Soldier Field.  I honestly cannot remember how excited I have been for an opener – that is, for the actual game, rather than the tailgating and seeing my friends.  My favorite opener in memory was in 2010 against the Lions, when we had an upcoming highly paid quarterback named Matt Stafford coming to Chicago to prove himself.  Do you remember what happened to him?  I sure do.

That hit put Stafford out for the year and tanked Detroit’s whole season. As we have proven time and again – no QB = disaster.

I remember distinctly giving Pepp a standing O after that one. I gave him one for this hit as well and I remember seeing it live, but I don’t think it was an opener. I still don’t understand why they had Ryan in the game since we were beating the shit out of the Falcons but whatever.

Hahaha no flag.

Well this year, the Dolts are our first opponent, and none other than Andrew Luck will get to see Pepp coming at him to literally tear his arm off. As Carl said to me in an email, “welcome to the NFL mfer”. I would love nothing more than to see Luck and his $100 million contract get thrown asunder in the first series. I am still a hater from the Super Bowl all those years ago. Yes that is sad but it is what it is.

Colts = defeated

The Colts are still “defeated” this year at 0-6 and it is probably the best thing I have gotten out of this years NFL season. It gives me great joy to see them struggle. So what’s up? Well they have no quarterback, that is whats up. Of course you don’t need me telling you that, as you already knew. But what about that offensive genius Ron Turner? Isn’t he still on the Colts? Well, sure he is. He is the quarterback coach. What a trainwreck.

Why the Colts picked up on ‘ol Ron, I will never, ever know. Just sayin’.

The Legend Lives On

In the deepest darkest corners of the internet, skeletons still rattle in your closets – when you don’t update and have someone occasionally look at your website.

If The Bears Tank…

…this season, the only thing that will be better than cheering against the Packers will be cheering against the Colts.

Who could have thought that with an offensive GENIUS like Ron Turner on their coaching staff (who happens to be their quarterbacks coach at the moment – chuckle) that the Colts would be 0-2 without Manning?

Just an observation.